my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
