i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
