hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
