Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have fence marks all over my body
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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