Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
