He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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