i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
