next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
