I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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