he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
