I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
