i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
