jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think people are normalizing furries
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
