babies were throwing up all over the place
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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