you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
