Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Say something about gay babies.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
