I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
