Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
