i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
