KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
