so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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