but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
