I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
