I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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