I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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