why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
