Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
