we have pet lesbian snakes
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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