Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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