i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
