Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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