My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we're making bets on your personal life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
