I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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