Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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