It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
now i know why i became what i already was.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sext me about skeletons
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
