Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
