once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
