If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
