you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just blew my weed a kiss
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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