she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
