There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
