Got a toothbrush?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
