You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
