If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He felt like a one man threesome
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
