Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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