I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
