Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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