As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
