Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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