This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
