I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was born a porn star she said
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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